2:35 am, can't sleep at all. Wouldn't be a problem except that I've got to get up early to go run (and maybe play in) a one-day Scrabble tournament. Not that that's a difficult thing to do, I could do it almost in my sleep - er, at this rate, I guess we might find out if that's true or not.
I can take this. Sleep trouble doesn't happen often these days, for which I'm extremely grateful, because I went through a long stretch where I had immense trouble with it. Either too little sleep or too much, really hard to regulate, tough to stay out of these non-self-correcting cycles for any good length of time. I had some schedule and lifestyle issues that surely didn't help, and I suppose I should have sought some sort of treatment for the problem, though without health insurance what would I have done. But the strange thing was that the problem disappeared almost all at once, after many years, without my trying anything to address it. Happened when I moved to Austin in 2003. All better, pretty much. The only time I have much trouble now is at Scrabble tournaments out of town, but most of that's just excitement from competing.
Not nervous or upset about anything at the moment, but my heart races anyway and I'm feeling kinda rough. Yeah, my health's probably not so good, the need is getting more urgent to start handling that better than I usually do. Brain won't shut down, because it about never does. Noise is what I know. Exhilarating when it accidentally forms a symphony, but more often it's just the sound of your own wheels.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Untitled
Your intrepid hiker
Got to the pointy top of a mountain last year in summer
Thought he saw snow and cushions of clouds around him
Planted his tattered weary tricolor flag and
Didn't notice that his footing was uneven and his treads were
Dangerously carelessly worn
Fell asleep and was shaken awake only by an earthquake
From turtle-flipped over on his back at first he didn't see it
But then, oh god, the unnameable panicked scream went up to no god in the eternally godless sky
to be heard by no one
What he thought was the peak was...well, a peak. He had had the right idea.
But it wasn't THE peak. Oh no. When he turned to his left and right and especially when
he craned his neck upward he saw it
Sheer icy windy cliffs extending jaggedly upward beyond sight
Sixty degrees? Sixty-five? Seventy?
I have fooled myself all this time
I have fooled myself all this time
I am a fool
He rooted out his triumphant flag and cast it on the ground
And when he looked down the hill,
Fire was swallowing the town below
All there was left to do
Was make camp, count and sharpen his instruments
Check his rations, revise his maps
And come to the understanding that
The flag-planting is only temporary
It's all the world knows to talk about, but it changes nothing
What endures all is the realization
That the hiker and his mountain and his pain and his sun are coauthors
Friday, April 13, 2012
Friday!
Woke up with "At Last I Am Free" by Chic running through my head. Gorgeous song. Bet you don't know it!
Also was remembering something I learned from being a baseball fan, or at least I think that's where I grasped this concept first: most successful managers weren't Hall of Fame caliber players themselves. Far from it, usually. The example I heard growing up was Ted Williams, who managed the Senators/Rangers for a few years (the team moved during his tenure). One of the best hitters ever, but people said that he couldn't teach the craft well because he was so good at it that he couldn't relate to the struggles of ordinary hitters. True in music, too: virtuosos often don't make good teachers. You've probably heard all this before. I think it does point to the broader observation that we can't know how difficult a particular challenge is for someone else. We think we know - however hard it was for us, that's how hard the thing is. People who do X more naturally than we do are gifted or lucky, while people who do X less naturally than we do are dumb or lazy. This conveniently excuses us from the burden of being patient with them: the high performers don't need our compassion or assistance, and the low performers don't deserve it. Human nature is amazing, huh?
This isn't saying that because something is difficult, you're excused from having to wrestle with it. For example, let's say it's harder for you to keep your weight down than it is for most people, and you're a hundred pounds or more too heavy now. Your choice is still the same - lose the weight or face the consequences of not losing it. Your way up will be rocky and steep, and enabling you isn't going to help. But a thin person sure as hell does not derive from this a right to look down on you, because we all have things that don't come easy for us. Or if we don't, we're not challenging ourselves enough.
Well, it was on my mind this morning. Not sure why.
***
I'd pick the Stanley Cup playoffs, but I haven't followed the NHL closely enough in recent years for the picks to be much more than guesses.
***
Update on an old subject: When I said I'd quit drinking, I did so - for about two months. So that was pretty good. It's crept back in again. Don't know how I feel about it. To the extent drinking is ever an issue - I suppose this is true for most people - it's a symptom of other things. Things I'm not going to tell you about today, as blah blah who cares. Maybe I'll drink tonight, and maybe I won't, and maybe the sunset will be pinkish and maybe it will be grayish, and tomorrow three outs will still constitute an inning.
***
Dawns on me that I've lived alone for the past five years. Hmm, let's see...I lived at home until I was 21. In the 21 years since then, I've lived alone for 15 of them...oh, cool, the Who's "Armenia City In The Sky" just came on, haven't heard that in a while...followed by the Utopia rarity "Monument". You know what's hard to do? Walk around for 15 or 20 minutes outside somewhere and do nothing but observe the trees and shrubs and plant life. Don't classify, describe, memorize, evaluate or judge, there will not be a quiz later, just keep your mind doing nothing but observing the green things. Every time your mind wanders, lead it gently back to the task at hand. If you've a noisy mind, as I chronically do, this will be a rewarding and peaceful but VERY difficult exercise...now up: Level 42's "Love Games"...I have a friend who thought (thinks? haven't hung out with him in a while) that all blogs and similar expressive avenues are self-important narcissistic endeavors, why do people think their every thought and utterance is super-important, yadda yadda. He has Asperger's, though that's neither here nor there I guess. I dunno, how about "because I like to write", that seems like enough reason to me. Yes, I know the old saw about removing all doubt, and I know I should be stoic and windweathered and drive a pickup truck with a medium-large dog in the back with big yearning eyes and know how to field-dress a buffalo and order French suits and jog five miles uphill at 5 am every day and have a spotless bathroom and be up on the latest TV shows and be seen petting a ferret to sleep in the study and whatnot. I'm 42, dammit, I don't have time to worry anymore, I just do whatever. Glad you're reading.
Foreigner, "At War with the World" now. Bill Bruford with "Fainting In Coils" after that. Then Chris Squire's "Lucky Seven".
***
Yes, raising children is real work, I trust we all agree. But let's see, attractive white woman marries rich white man and has some kids, money is no object, chauffeurs, maids, nannies, elite private schools, luxurious family vacations to rejuvenate, superduper medical care, elite teams of ninja psychotherapists flown in straight from Vienna if needed - lots of mother's little helpers to call on, to say the least. But if you said her parenting itself is still honest work worthy of respect, I would wholly agree with you. And Ann Romney's unusually good fortune is not something she needs to apologize for. I trust, then, we can also say that the poor inner-city black woman struggling to raise five kids and scraping by with the help of some piddly sum from the government, which isn't half of 1% of the help Ann Romney receives for doing the same thing under much easier circumstances, is equally engaged in honest work and is entitled to the same respect. Right? Yes, that means not calling her a welfare queen or yelling at her to get a "real" job.
***
How about...some Deep Purple...okay, Stormbringer, that'll work. I like old music, deal. Not because I think it's somehow objectively "better" music, though. I just respond to those sounds and styles more for whatever clutch of reasons. There's plenty of excellent music being made now, and there was plenty of crap being made back then. I've probably said that here before.
***
Write anything:
Shutout
Rock'n'roll through the lens
This is no time to try
This is no time to die
White winter burn sun on sand
Down the peak one painted head
The song is over but the peaks remain
Stripped and wasted, underbelly dusted
Also was remembering something I learned from being a baseball fan, or at least I think that's where I grasped this concept first: most successful managers weren't Hall of Fame caliber players themselves. Far from it, usually. The example I heard growing up was Ted Williams, who managed the Senators/Rangers for a few years (the team moved during his tenure). One of the best hitters ever, but people said that he couldn't teach the craft well because he was so good at it that he couldn't relate to the struggles of ordinary hitters. True in music, too: virtuosos often don't make good teachers. You've probably heard all this before. I think it does point to the broader observation that we can't know how difficult a particular challenge is for someone else. We think we know - however hard it was for us, that's how hard the thing is. People who do X more naturally than we do are gifted or lucky, while people who do X less naturally than we do are dumb or lazy. This conveniently excuses us from the burden of being patient with them: the high performers don't need our compassion or assistance, and the low performers don't deserve it. Human nature is amazing, huh?
This isn't saying that because something is difficult, you're excused from having to wrestle with it. For example, let's say it's harder for you to keep your weight down than it is for most people, and you're a hundred pounds or more too heavy now. Your choice is still the same - lose the weight or face the consequences of not losing it. Your way up will be rocky and steep, and enabling you isn't going to help. But a thin person sure as hell does not derive from this a right to look down on you, because we all have things that don't come easy for us. Or if we don't, we're not challenging ourselves enough.
Well, it was on my mind this morning. Not sure why.
***
I'd pick the Stanley Cup playoffs, but I haven't followed the NHL closely enough in recent years for the picks to be much more than guesses.
***
Update on an old subject: When I said I'd quit drinking, I did so - for about two months. So that was pretty good. It's crept back in again. Don't know how I feel about it. To the extent drinking is ever an issue - I suppose this is true for most people - it's a symptom of other things. Things I'm not going to tell you about today, as blah blah who cares. Maybe I'll drink tonight, and maybe I won't, and maybe the sunset will be pinkish and maybe it will be grayish, and tomorrow three outs will still constitute an inning.
***
Dawns on me that I've lived alone for the past five years. Hmm, let's see...I lived at home until I was 21. In the 21 years since then, I've lived alone for 15 of them...oh, cool, the Who's "Armenia City In The Sky" just came on, haven't heard that in a while...followed by the Utopia rarity "Monument". You know what's hard to do? Walk around for 15 or 20 minutes outside somewhere and do nothing but observe the trees and shrubs and plant life. Don't classify, describe, memorize, evaluate or judge, there will not be a quiz later, just keep your mind doing nothing but observing the green things. Every time your mind wanders, lead it gently back to the task at hand. If you've a noisy mind, as I chronically do, this will be a rewarding and peaceful but VERY difficult exercise...now up: Level 42's "Love Games"...I have a friend who thought (thinks? haven't hung out with him in a while) that all blogs and similar expressive avenues are self-important narcissistic endeavors, why do people think their every thought and utterance is super-important, yadda yadda. He has Asperger's, though that's neither here nor there I guess. I dunno, how about "because I like to write", that seems like enough reason to me. Yes, I know the old saw about removing all doubt, and I know I should be stoic and windweathered and drive a pickup truck with a medium-large dog in the back with big yearning eyes and know how to field-dress a buffalo and order French suits and jog five miles uphill at 5 am every day and have a spotless bathroom and be up on the latest TV shows and be seen petting a ferret to sleep in the study and whatnot. I'm 42, dammit, I don't have time to worry anymore, I just do whatever. Glad you're reading.
Foreigner, "At War with the World" now. Bill Bruford with "Fainting In Coils" after that. Then Chris Squire's "Lucky Seven".
***
Yes, raising children is real work, I trust we all agree. But let's see, attractive white woman marries rich white man and has some kids, money is no object, chauffeurs, maids, nannies, elite private schools, luxurious family vacations to rejuvenate, superduper medical care, elite teams of ninja psychotherapists flown in straight from Vienna if needed - lots of mother's little helpers to call on, to say the least. But if you said her parenting itself is still honest work worthy of respect, I would wholly agree with you. And Ann Romney's unusually good fortune is not something she needs to apologize for. I trust, then, we can also say that the poor inner-city black woman struggling to raise five kids and scraping by with the help of some piddly sum from the government, which isn't half of 1% of the help Ann Romney receives for doing the same thing under much easier circumstances, is equally engaged in honest work and is entitled to the same respect. Right? Yes, that means not calling her a welfare queen or yelling at her to get a "real" job.
***
How about...some Deep Purple...okay, Stormbringer, that'll work. I like old music, deal. Not because I think it's somehow objectively "better" music, though. I just respond to those sounds and styles more for whatever clutch of reasons. There's plenty of excellent music being made now, and there was plenty of crap being made back then. I've probably said that here before.
***
Write anything:
Shutout
Rock'n'roll through the lens
This is no time to try
This is no time to die
White winter burn sun on sand
Down the peak one painted head
The song is over but the peaks remain
Stripped and wasted, underbelly dusted
Friday, April 6, 2012
Taking grounders
As is probably true in any other game, the plays you hear talked about most in Scrabble are the unusual ones. Maybe a flashy obscure word, or an intricate fit on the board, or an uncommon strategic insight. But as any tournament player knows, the majority of Scrabble turns don't offer such opportunities. It's like being a shortstop in baseball - most of the plays a shortstop makes during a season are routine (at least for major leaguers they are). But they're very important: winnable games are lost every year because someone made an error on a routine grounder.
This position - click through the annotated game at the link below until turn 7, when I have DDEGIOP on my rack, and stop there if you want to try to solve it yourself - strikes me as the routine sort of position that comes up in many games. (This game is using the North American (TWL) word list.) The degree of difficulty is, I would say, moderate by tournament game standards. The best play available does not involve knowing any uncommon words, though you'll need to look carefully at the board. There is not much in the way of strategic nuance to consider - the best play is best for straightforward reasons.
http://www.cross-tables.com/annotated.php?u=10799
This position may turn out to be crucial. I have a solid lead to this point in the game, thanks to fortunately picking a blank and bingoing on each of my first two turns, but there are plenty of tiles left in the bag and I'm nowhere near being out of the woods yet. I have lost games from stronger positions than this before. If I make a lesser play here, I'm either leaving points on the table, keeping a weaker group of tiles for next turn, or both. The miss probably wouldn't be catastrophic, but depending on what I draw from then on, it absolutely could turn out to be the difference between winning and losing. These ordinary positions decide more games and tournaments than the occasional highlight-reel plays everyone remembers. I made the right play in this instance, though I certainly don't always. I'm relatively good at scooping these up, but not to the level of the very best, who almost never miss such plays. Consistency with the routine plays isn't near as routine as it might seem.
This position - click through the annotated game at the link below until turn 7, when I have DDEGIOP on my rack, and stop there if you want to try to solve it yourself - strikes me as the routine sort of position that comes up in many games. (This game is using the North American (TWL) word list.) The degree of difficulty is, I would say, moderate by tournament game standards. The best play available does not involve knowing any uncommon words, though you'll need to look carefully at the board. There is not much in the way of strategic nuance to consider - the best play is best for straightforward reasons.
http://www.cross-tables.com/annotated.php?u=10799
This position may turn out to be crucial. I have a solid lead to this point in the game, thanks to fortunately picking a blank and bingoing on each of my first two turns, but there are plenty of tiles left in the bag and I'm nowhere near being out of the woods yet. I have lost games from stronger positions than this before. If I make a lesser play here, I'm either leaving points on the table, keeping a weaker group of tiles for next turn, or both. The miss probably wouldn't be catastrophic, but depending on what I draw from then on, it absolutely could turn out to be the difference between winning and losing. These ordinary positions decide more games and tournaments than the occasional highlight-reel plays everyone remembers. I made the right play in this instance, though I certainly don't always. I'm relatively good at scooping these up, but not to the level of the very best, who almost never miss such plays. Consistency with the routine plays isn't near as routine as it might seem.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)